Friday, Third Lesson, Drama

(Today's installment utilises your scratch and sniff cards which you should have received by messenger Parrot lasterday)

Bit odd Drama – it’s taught by this witch-like woman called Mrs. Twist who gets you to stare at people without laughing and walk around the room ‘like you’re stuck in treacle’ (Scratch panel 1). How any of that is going to help me get a job in the post office, I don’t know, unless I drop a tin of treacle in the kitchen and have to get to the front desk quickly[1].  When she set us that task last week, I just walked normally while everyone else was doing this like weird slow motion walk.  She asked what I was doing and I said treacle isn’t really that sticky and it’s wrong to exaggerate – she should have said ‘You’re in a vat of correction fluid’, that would have been better.  

Jazzy always does everything he's told

Anyway, the drama hall is huge and the ceiling is higher than high is.  It’s always cold in here so Mrs. Twist always gets us to warm up by rolling our heads round our shoulders and shaking out our arms and legs.  Maybe the Government should roll this out to pensioners (Scratch panel 2) who can’t afford their heating bills?

We had to do an improvisation – Mrs. Twist told us that the biggest mistake people make during improvising is thinking the scene has to be funny, but she said no, you just have to make what you’re doing believable.  I had to improvise a scene with Raoul and the scenario was winning the lottery.  

"Yay, look at how excited I am at winning another scratch card"

I started running around screaming and celebrating and Raoul pretended to saw some wood.  Mrs. Twist asked what he was doing and he said “Sawing some wood”, and she said “How is that appropriate to the scenario”, and he said “You said it didn’t matter as long as it was believable and you knew I was sawing wood and I didn’t even tell you so it must have been – also my dad won £10 on the lottery last week and he was in his shed watching the numbers come out on his portable telly and he just carried on sawing”, in Spanish (Scratch panel 3).  We then had to sit in a circle and pretend we were falling off a Hang-glider.  Plazzy says she does that every night when she gets home anyway so it was dead easy.

Finally we had to write a script with the title, “Kevin’s massive mam”.  Mine went like this :

Kevin :  “Mam?”

Mam :  “Up here!”

Kevin and Kevin's Mam

I got a D, which was lower than I expected. Apparently, I didn’t set the scene well enough, build suspense or inject any drama, but it was in-keeping with the title so the teacher was duty bound to give me some marks.  Kevin’s mam really is massive (she can’t get on busses[2]) so he just wrote a direct transcript of last night’s tea time (Scratch panel 4) and got an A. I wish my mam was massive.  Tazzy doesn’t know how to write a script, he keeps putting all the dialogue in the third person (Scratch panel 5) – the third person was Yazzy (Scratch panel 6). 

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[1] Barry did work in a post office in 2006 but was fired for ruining the floor with treacle.

[2] She is still massive, in case you wondered.