We pushed the door to the main building tentatively, peering
around the heavy set wooden flap into the spooky corridor beyond. Outside the woodwork room, a trail of sawdust
led into the Gent’s toilets and another trail led from the toilets to the stairs
which lead to home economics and beyond.
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| The Craft Block after it's refurbishment |
The metalwork room is just around a corner where darkness seems to bleed
from the walls. Then, without warning,
Mr Midlife leapt out from behind a drinks dispenser with an Incredible Hulk mask on, wishing to be
accepted. We ignored him and went into
the workshop. The room is full of
lathes, cutty machines, grindy machines and glue. I sit right at the front in this room so the
teacher can see me at all times. I can’t be trusted with a hacksaw since that
nasty business with the Archbishop of Leeds.
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| Arch |
 |
| Bishop |
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| Leads |
Grazzy made a big metal wig which looked great in profile. It completely changed his appearance, making
him look like Phargg off Space Battle
Futures[1]. I’m not very good at metal work so I drew a
picture of a glove that had been left on a Badger on a farm. I got a ‘D’, which isn’t bad as Grazzy only
got a C for his and he used Metal!
Gareth got caught passing chewing gum about and he got
detention – it’s in the school rules apparently that you’re not allowed to chew,
pretend to chew, look like you’re about to chew, chew 10 seconds before
entering and 11 seconds after exiting the room or pass chewing gum about with
intent to chew. He wasn’t even going to
chew – and neither was I. I sneezed,
which the teacher said was still a kind of ‘choo’ and I had to stay back after
class for 0.1 second as detention because he had to get back in case he missed Home and Away otherwise I’d have been
there for 1 and a bit minutes.
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| Oscar winning film, Home and Away |
The bell went to signal the end of school, but after school
we always have band[2] practice
on a Monday. We usually play the entire ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ back catalogue without
stopping and then go home. We practice
on the stage in the main school hall which is very grand. It’s brightly lit and makes you feel important. They have these really rickety wooden steps
at the side of the stage where you get on and off and it’s really difficult
while holding a brass instrument in your right hand[3]. We’ve got the Musician of the year concert on Friday – I’m playing a solo : ‘Trombones in Vinegar’ by Harold Gherkin.
It’s a haunting piece featuring Bazzy going mental on the gong and
cymbals. Dazzy (who plays the tenor
horn) plays this really high, loud hemi-demi-semiquaver in the middle which the
composer thought added a jaunty air to an already lively piece of music.
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| Dazzy's actual music for 'Trombones in Vinegar' |
I have to twirl my trombone round my head 27
times when I have 2 bars rest in the middle. I’ve let go twice during rehearsals and knocked
out an entire row of Baritones. I’ll
take my bone[4] home
with me and practice there. I’ve got a
chance of winning the Musician of the
year because everyone else in the band are on tune-a-day book one, lesson two; a tune called ‘Dancing about with my socks aflame’. I’m on tune-a-day
book seven, lesson 8; a tune called ‘The
little F march’, which only has the note ‘F’ in it repeated for 8 minutes. We’ll just have to see what happens. I walked home through Tazzy’s garden, it’s a
short cut. So is his hair.
[1] Sadly
cancelled after 0.5 episodes
[2]
Sometimes people didn’t turn up, saying they thought the practice had been
‘banned’.
[3] This
happened in medieval times with stone steps and swords, it’s so someone coming up
the steps can’t attack you with their Xylophone sticks.
[4] All the
cool kids used to say ‘bone’ instead of ‘Trombone’ but the cool kids never used
the word ‘cool’.
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