Monday, Fourth Lesson, Biology

The bell went to signal afternoon registration.  I had to sneak in again as I was late, telling the tutor that I had been standing near the biology pond.  He accepted this and even cancelled my detention for tonight, it was such a good excuse!  I got lots of pats on the back for that and pats on the shoulder, arm, face, kidneys etc...

A Pat on the back

Fourth lesson, Biology; my favourite lesson of the week.  The Biology room is on the opposite side of the school to my tutor room.  Most of my class are in Babybel house which is right next to the laboratories.  My house block – Edam house – is a good ten minute walk or a 4 minute run away.  Me and Eazzy are always late and as such, locked in the cupboard with a pig pickled in formaldehyde[1]. It’s really creepy the way it stares at you, making you feel guilty for all the bacon sandwiches you’ve ever eaten (apart from the one I’m going to have tonight because I haven’t actually eaten that yet).

On the shelves in the Biology cupboard (where I spend most of each lesson for being late) are various insects and butterflies pinned to polystyrene in glass cases.  I wonder how they got them in the cases. I find it hard to swat a bluebottle with a massive rolled up copy of ‘Side partings weekly’ never mind coax one into a glass box and spear it through the abdomen with a pin with the precision of Eric Bristow in his prime.

Never before has one man regretted his choice of hairstyle so much

I like reading the books about reproduction, not because I’m a pervert who likes to see everything in pencil sketch cross-section – but because I am desperate to find out how giraffes do it.  I got let out of the cupboard with 10 minutes of the lesson left to find everyone with a cow’s eye each.  They were supposed to be dissecting, drawing and labeling it but people were just throwing them at each other and being generally unruly.  Mr Bank, the Biology teacher was just sitting at the front reading a book called ‘On the origin of Spaceys’, which is a book about how Kevin Spacey’s family originated. The general chaos that the room had erupted into what was a great teaching aid for explaining where humans evolved from – I should have filmed it and called it ‘From Neanderthal and back – evolution wasted’ but photography isn’t until 5th year and you don’t get video cameras so I’d have to buy one, but I don’t have any money and they haven’t been invented small enough for the mass public yet as this diary is set in 1998.

Actual footage from today

The bell went once more to signal afternoon break.  Strangely, we only get 10 minutes in the afternoon to mill about, cause general inconvenience to anyone younger than us and play Hide and Seek round the boiler sheds.  It’s a 10 minute walk from Biology to the music block so I don’t go over on Mondays – I prefer to hang around with Lazzy and Sazzy near the craft block, tripping first years over with branches.  We hang around there because our last lesson of the day is Metalwork...

[1] See lesson two, Art