Second lesson was PE[1]. We all lined up outside the PE
block, waiting for the signal to go in and get changed. I brought the wrong note to excuse me from
games; the teacher didn’t believe it was my time of the month so I had to get
changed and play climbing frames.
 |
| Invented by Henry VIII as a form of torture |
We
have this really hard teacher called Mr Flap and he gives us a really hard
training regime. We had to do
wheelbarrows, climb up a rope, do a triple-back half-pike thrust turn and
Edison lighthouse with tuck before playing Basketball, Hockey and Rounders all
at the same time. I won, surprisingly. Razzy climbed up the wall bars and touched
the ceiling. Everyone was impressed – as
he plummeted to the floor, snapping both his ankles. He went to hospital.
 |
| Me, doing gym. I look a lot like Danny out of Grease |
People whip each other with towels in the
showers and think it’s funny. I don’t.
Yazzy got hit in the eye once and developed towel-eye. He had to do cross country in a wheel
chair. As a punishment, we all had to
stand on one leg for the entire next lesson until the culprit owned up. Yazzy
eventually admitted it wasn’t a towel that caused it to swell, it was the
infection he got off Brenda Charlton in the goal post store room.
 |
| Brenda's house |
The bell sounded, we all got changed and made our way to
third lesson – German. We spent break
drying our hair and putting our blazers on.
Mrs Achtung is an elderly German national who croaks at us in her broken
dialect. I sit at the back with Snazzy
and don’t answer any questions. I can
count to ten though. Ein, Zwei, dry, erm…
anyway, it gets a bit confusing with the German word for ‘no’ being ‘nein’ but
sounding exactly like the German word for ‘nine’. If you’re in a pub and the barman says “Du
bist ein steine?” and you say “Nein” and he actually serves you with 9 beers –
that’s why I have learned how to say “Nicht!” which is nothing. No really, it’s
nothing.
 |
| Ich bin funf zehn jahre alt und ich bin nein old enough to drink |
Wazzy is fluent in German as his Nan is from Austria. He was having some right old craic with the
teacher. It seemed they were talking about toilet habits but then it became
clear that they were reminiscing about the good old days[2].
The bell went to signal dinner time. On Wednesday’s I have my sandwiches in Mr Wigwam’s
room with all the brass instruments.
Vazzy entertained us by playing the tune to ‘Crime stoppers’ on the piano.
He also played ‘Tubular bells’
(it took him ages to set them up and put them away after). I tried to pick the lock on Mr Wigwam’s desk
drawer, convinced the winners of the musician
of the year would be in there (the names, not the people). He came in as I was crouched; he asked what I
was doing and I said I’d crouched. He
seemed to accept this and left the room.
A few of the orchestra members came in after dinner, just to
hang around so I suggested we all get our instruments out and have a bit of a
blow. Everyone agreed so we played
through some Brass band arrangements of AC/DC,
Backstreet Boys and that one off Noel’s House Party[3].
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